To you, wherever you are.

"Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2009. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."

In two days, it will be a year since we were last together. It feels like a long time has passed, but in the grand scheme of things, it really hasn't been. I guess I can say it's been getting easier. I don't know, it's so hard to tell anymore. It all sort of just blurs together in some continuous form of missing you and trying to move on. I just occupy my time when I can't get the thought of you out of my head. I wonder if you miss me. Maybe not. Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing has changed for me, although I am older and I think a bit wiser. I have good days, and I have terrible days. Sometimes it's nice to spend time by myself, other times I cannot bear to be alone. But right now I'm okay. It's not one of those cliche "I am so heartbroken because it's Valentine's day" sort of things, I just keep thinking about Valentine's day last year and the year before. I don't know, it was nice. I've never been loved before you, so I'll probably still feel this way on Valentine's day 2010.

I don't have anyone, and I'm okay with being alone. There are so many things I want to tell you, so much good music to share, so many movies to talk about, a book that I've read that I think you might like. That's probably the worst part of it all... Losing my best friend. I couldn't talk to anyone the way I talked to you. It isn't the same. Things aren't the same. I've been looking at the world very differently since you left, and I don't know if it's in a good or bad way. It's probably good. I try not to be so negative all the time. I am still very sad but, I think I can either keep going with my head high, or just keep going and be miserable. I'm working on the former, but we'll see. Days have been easier, especially lately. For no particular reason either. I haven't met anyone, I don't like anyone, I don't really know what it is. Nothing spectacular has happened.

I guess that's how it always is. It gets easier, but you never really forget. I don't think you ever stop missing someone.