sickness was fixing me some
coughed out my heart in the last stall
now that the damage is done
i never miss it at all

sexual healing? yes please.

i miss her. i wish i could go back and make things as they were. i need her in my life.

this sucks.

how i wish, how i wish you were here

we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl

year after year

running over the same old ground

the same old fears

wish you were here

i will sing you songs

I love My Morning Jacket. They're so damn good. Especially live, they are amazing. Some of the bands I enjoy really suck live, or at least aren't as entertaining and awesome as MMJ. They play for like three hours straight, with the same energy in the last song as there was in the first. They don't half ass things at all, they make sure to bring the rock and if you ever get a chance to see them live, do it. I promise they will not disappoint. And if not, just make sure you obtain somehow, Okonokos Live and listen to it all the way through. SO good. Might be one of, if not my favorite band at the present moment. I don't know, I don't like kicking Modest Mouse to the curb like this, but they can't even touch MMJ live. And there are very few bands who can evoke so many different emotions from you in one song. It's usually just one, but the songs just make me feel happy sad excited regretful amazing all at once. Sounds corny, but it really is powerful. You don't realize how powerful music can be in your life. It can heal you, it can break you. It's more than the image, it's more than a particular scene to me. It's about passion, talent, and fun. Also about healing, expressing. There's just something so cool about expressing a particular time in your life or mood you're feeling with a song, and every time you hear that song you remember just how you felt and you remember the moments that made that song significant. Just like that. Music should in no way define who you are, but rather help define moments of your life and make them better. I love it.

I haven't really updated in a while. Guess because there isn't much to say. I guess a random paragraph of sorts is in order. The wedding was a lot of fun. The electric was out for quite some time and that sucked. We had a lot of wind damage to our roof, as did just about everyone in the subdivision. Roofing party soon! Some people are still out of electric. I'm thankful to have mine back. No Lexington this weekend. Just gonna try to hang out here instead. Maybe study. Maybe hang out or drink a few beers later. Done with class until next week. I really enjoy going two days as opposed to every day. I think I'm gonna schedule it like this from now on if it's possible.

Things are surprisingly getting better here lately. Had some rough days, but the past couple weeks I've felt pretty okay. I've started hanging out with some really awesome people, and it's helped me tremendously. I want to fill my life with people like this. When you've got such great company to help you through some rough times, it's hard not to gradually get better. I feel okay now, I have high hopes for my future, and in every sense of the word future. Future in school, future career, future relationships. Seemed bleak and worthless when I was stuck in that rough patch, but now (as cliche as this sounds) the light is starting to shine through just a bit. Not too much, but enough for me to keep on keepin' on.

I'm very excited that fall is here. I love September and October, when the leaves change, when the nights get cooler, and when Halloween comes. It's my favorite time of the year. I hate winter, and I hate spring. I embrace summer, but there is nothing like autumn. It's beautiful, it's calming, it's filled with delicious foods, awesome scenery, and just fun in general. When I was a kid I LOVED Halloween. I love it for different reasons now, but I always looked forward to dressing up different. My mom was really into it when Molly and I were younger. Fall always reminds me of my mom. She is the coolest woman I know, and the most important person in my life. Always will be.

My uncle offered me a job yesterday as a sales rep. for Trends INC. I'd be going to any store that has poster racks and stocking them, filling invoices, taking inventory, time sheets, what have you. Free posters, heck yeah. I'd have to drive a lot but, it's like 12/hr so I think I'm going to take it. For now. I'm also getting a second job, so hopefully tattoos are in my very near future!

so, i do believe

none of this is physical

at least not to me

so, i do believe

that anywhere it goes

it's always with me

sometimes you're a tourist with a camera
stealing souls for scrapbooks
sometimes you've got a life back home
sometimes you're really alone, you're really alone
sometimes you're really alone

there will be an answer

let it be.

just thinkin'

25 Favorite bands and artists, I'm pretty sure these are in order too.

25. The Black Keys
24. Pedro The Lion
23. Superdrag
22. Sufjan Stevens
21. Ben Folds (Five)
20. Spoon
19. The Weakerthans
18. The Rolling Stones
17. David Bowie
16. The White Stripes
15. Led Zeppelin
14. Minus The Bear
13. Radiohead
12. Mewithoutyou
11. Bright Eyes
10. The Avett Brothers
9. Broken Social Scene
8. Wilco
7. Cursive
6. Rilo Kiley
5. Ryan Adams & The Cardinals
4. Death Cab For Cutie
3. My Morning Jacket
2. The Good Life
1. Modest Mouse

Ever since my breakup last year, and the crap that I went through earlier this year... It's been really difficult to get past. I'm not happy like I once was. I'm depressed, lonely, devastated. It's just... It would be nice to win one, you know?

I've been having really weird dreams lately. I hope these aren't premonitions or anything, because most of them have been just terrible. So bad that I don't even want to repeat them here.

It's 9AM, I've got class until 1:30, and then I'm taking a long nap. Trying to do constructive things this weekend, like get through all my class readings. I'm a bit behind on that, and I need to not fall so behind that I can't catch up. My goal is nothing less than a B in all four classes. I can pull it off if I stop being lazy.

I doubt I'll be going to Ryan Adams now. I just can't really afford the ticket. If it was like $15 I could swing it, but it's like $32, not including all the service charges they will tack on. I just can't do it. I'll feel terrible that entire day because I really do want to see him. Sorry Ryan, I just can't afford your show. Maybe next time.

Give me some good recipes for food. Anything really. Appetizers, main courses, desserts, anything. I need new and exciting food options for this dinner party I'm about to have.

Molly and I have been hanging out all weekend, and not fighting at all. It's nice. Hopefully not short lived either.

I love school more and more each day. Our Student Union makes everything way better. It's really something. I'm not so mad about my tuition going up after seeing it now. I also like shuttling to class in the morning. Makes me feel like I'm at a big University. Not that I don't love NKU, but I've always wanted to go away for school, like to UK or UofL or something. Now I don't. I can stay home but also kind of be away. Molly is coming to NKU next year, and we're going to live together in the dorms.

Ashleigh and Geoff are married in 13 days! How exciting. I'm going to take so many pictures at the reception.

This September really sucks for me, because it's been about a year since Johnny and I have broken up. It's really hard for me some days to think about. I really do miss him very much. I always wonder what he's doing, if he's happy, if he sometimes misses me too, if he still thinks about me at all. I wish things with us didn't have to end, especially how they did. What makes me angry the most is why we broke up. I never once was with anyone else or even thought about being with anyone else while we were together. I loved him and only him, and even after not speaking to him for almost five months now, it's still hard for me to picture myself with someone else. I don't think he knew just how much I did love and care for him. The past is the past though, and I've got to learn to accept it. I'd like to think I changed his life for the better, but who knows. I know my life isn't better now. It's better in the aspect of love, I learned what it was, and I learned just how happy it can make me. He was amazing, and will always have a place in my heart. Always. I know people always say that, and then they forget and move on quickly, but I truly think that he was the right person for me. It was just the wrong place at the wrong time. I've learned some things along the way and I don't regret ever being with him. He was the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm so grateful every day that I had what little time I did to experience someone so wonderful.

Even though September sucks for reasons stated above, it's also one month closer to the end of 2008. I'm ready to say goodbye to it. I've been ready to say goodbye to it since about March or April. It's been the worst year and I just want to put it behind me and make 2009 a way better year for myself. I deserve it.

I don't know what the future holds for me. After graduation, who knows who I'll be with, what I'll be interested in, what I'll want to do with my life. As of right now, I'm just focusing on getting off academic probation and getting my Bachelor's, and then I plan on joining the Navy. I've got nothing really holding me back from the Navy, especially the whole me being single part. But if I do start seriously dating someone in the next 2 or 3 years, I am going to reconsider this decision. Only time will tell what the future holds for me. As of now, the Military is a serious option for me in 2011.

Come on life. Give me something good again. I need it.