But my heart is a house

Will you come and move in

Leave a space for us to give

Moving out/Bonnaroo Band #4

Although the exact location and exact time is not entirely planned out just yet, Lindsey and I have been looking at apartment ideas lately so we can move out in the summer before the Fall semester. I'm excited that this might actually happen for a few reasons. Main reason is that I can get out of here for a while and be on my own. Maybe the new environment change will be more positive and helpful than I may think. I'm hoping to be less stressed out, do better in school, meet new people, deal with my depression and maybe get rid of it, and hang out with my best friend all the time! I know my Mom is going to be against this, and I was planning on waiting until I graduated to move out, but I don't know if I can wait two+ more years. This is something I've been thinking about for the last year or two, just haven't had the job or income to support it. Now that I'm about to be working I feel like I could afford this. Moving out is something I feel like I need to do right now, even if I end up moving back home in a year. Even for 12-24 months, I feel like this needs to happen now. I need a change of scenery, a change of routine, and I don't mind the money I will have to spend that I could be saving. I think it's going to end up being beneficial in the long run.

I've started writing again. I write in this all the time, but I mean writing down ideas, stories, things that struck me and stood out in my day, etc. It's a good outlet for me, and maybe one day these will be of use.

Okay, time for Bonnaroo band #4. I am most excited for them because being one of my favorite bands, I still haven't seen them live. I opted not to at Bonnaroo 2007 and I think it was a big mistake on my part. I will not miss them again.

Wilco - "Impossible Germany"

You always were an asset

You never were a drawback
No you weren't

Put away your corset, put away your shoe
Put away the old September blues

do you remember our last summer as independents?

Ben Folds was great as always. The venue sucked and it was not nearly as much fun as Bonnaroo, but he rocks the piano no matter where he is. 

I got a job finally. Way long overdue, I know. But I needed the break to get my shit together. In my emotional screwed up state I would have cracked under the pressure of working and going to school full time, and trying to deal with all the post-breakup mess. But now I'm back into the swing of things, ready to make and save some money so I can get an apartment in a year. But anyway, I start out $11.25/hr, plus $0.40 a mile to drive. Probably around 20 hours a week. I also make my own schedule and work whenever I want. I'm happy about it.

I pre-ordered Cursive's new album, and I can't wait to hear it. I've been spending a lot of money lately but I don't mind. Now that I have a job I really don't mind. I've got the money to spend so, I'm going to buy what I want. I get a new package delivered like every day, or come home with a bag from an apparel store. My mom called me Rockefeller yesterday. She's funny.

Is it time for this yet?

"It's okay, you don't have to pay. I've got all the change"

So, I'm in the market to buy a new car. I think I'm in the process of finding a job finally, in this black hole we call a recession. I found a nice used 2007 Nissan Sentra for only around $9,800, and the mileage is decent. I don't know, this was a decision that I made on a whim last night, but I'm going to need a new car eventually. Even though Toyotas last forever, my car is slowly but surely falling apart one piece at a time. It would just be pointless for me to put any money into a 1996 Corolla when the damn thing only cost me $3,500 to begin with, and was wrecked before I got it and has since been wrecked. I'm not going to get much from it, probably $1,000 if I'm lucky, but I think this is a good decision. It's the perfect time to buy a car right now because the economy is so crappy. Maybe I can wait for one of these little dealerships to go out of business and sell me this car for practically nothing. We'll see. Anyway...



See you tomorrow!!!

In one week, I'm going to be the proud owner of these Betsey Johnson slingback wedges, estimated cost around $250. Getting them for a fifth of the price. I have never been more excited for a pair of shoes before.










God I'm going to be hot this summer.

To you, wherever you are.

"Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2009. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."

In two days, it will be a year since we were last together. It feels like a long time has passed, but in the grand scheme of things, it really hasn't been. I guess I can say it's been getting easier. I don't know, it's so hard to tell anymore. It all sort of just blurs together in some continuous form of missing you and trying to move on. I just occupy my time when I can't get the thought of you out of my head. I wonder if you miss me. Maybe not. Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing has changed for me, although I am older and I think a bit wiser. I have good days, and I have terrible days. Sometimes it's nice to spend time by myself, other times I cannot bear to be alone. But right now I'm okay. It's not one of those cliche "I am so heartbroken because it's Valentine's day" sort of things, I just keep thinking about Valentine's day last year and the year before. I don't know, it was nice. I've never been loved before you, so I'll probably still feel this way on Valentine's day 2010.

I don't have anyone, and I'm okay with being alone. There are so many things I want to tell you, so much good music to share, so many movies to talk about, a book that I've read that I think you might like. That's probably the worst part of it all... Losing my best friend. I couldn't talk to anyone the way I talked to you. It isn't the same. Things aren't the same. I've been looking at the world very differently since you left, and I don't know if it's in a good or bad way. It's probably good. I try not to be so negative all the time. I am still very sad but, I think I can either keep going with my head high, or just keep going and be miserable. I'm working on the former, but we'll see. Days have been easier, especially lately. For no particular reason either. I haven't met anyone, I don't like anyone, I don't really know what it is. Nothing spectacular has happened.

I guess that's how it always is. It gets easier, but you never really forget. I don't think you ever stop missing someone.

Bonnaroo Band #3

I have nothing to say today.

The Decemberists - "Engine Driver"

Day 1

Since I'm getting impatient and tend to get sidetracked on the weekends from hanging out with friends and occassionally drinking, or going out to eat and being tempted, I'm starting a semi-crash diet today. I know they are unhealthy so I don't even want to hear anything anyone has to say about it, but I'm an overall healthy, tiny bit overweight, 20 year old. It's not like I weigh 300 pounds and have high blood pressure and heart problems. This diet shouldn't do too much damage, but rather let me drop around 20-30 pounds by the end of May which is my ultimate goal. I need to look good for Bonnaroo/bikini season/my 21st birthday this summer. I think if I just lose some weight in a short amount of time it'll really improve my morale, so I'm doing it whether anyone likes it or not.

Day one. Starting weight as of noon today (yeah, I'm not going to be shy): 166 pounds. Goal: 130 pounds. So 25-35 pounds in four to five months.

Anyway, I'm getting a haircut the first week of April. Any ideas on how I should get it done?

Slumdog/Bonnaroo Band #2/Random

Slumdog Millionaire was really good. I'm now having an even harder time deciding what is going to win. I haven't seen Frost/Nixon yet, and I would love for The Reader to win, but for best picture I think The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has this in the bag. Milk was good, but I don't know if it's as good as the others. I love Oscar time. I love movies.

I woke up at 11:50 AM so I could buy my Bonnaroo ticket since they went on sale today at noon. Totally got it. If I can't go I'll just sell it. But I have every intention to be arriving on that beautiful 750 acre farm in Manchester, Tennessee on June 11th for the third time.

Speaking of Bonnaroo, here is band #2 (and these are in no particular order, I just randomly choose a band and a good song).

MGMT - "Pieces Of What" (probably my favorite MGMT song)



They were there last year in 08, and played directly after Superdrag but we missed them due to having to go back to our campsite to eat/set the rest of our stuff up. I will not miss them this year. I have some sort of unhealthy obsession with Andrew VanWyngarden and I need to see him in the flesh before my life can be complete. Kidding... But not really kidding.

I'm very excited about this year's Bonnaroo and I've said it about a million times, but I honestly can't think of anything I'm more excited about. My 21st birthday doesn't even top it. This year I'm hoping Ashleigh and Geoff come with us so we can have a huge campsite and even more people to party with us. Hopefully!

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do after I graduate and stuff, and I can't think of one thing at NKU that completely 100% interests me. I'd love to go to film school or culinary school more than anything, but I just don't have the money or the means to move somewhere and go. It's very sad when the amount of money you have can alter your life dreams, goals, and passions. Very sad.

Bonnaroo Band #1: Of Montreal

I'm going to start posting a video of a band at Bonnaroo periodically until June 11th. In total, I'll probably post around 30 bands, because I'm sure they will be adding more of my favorites in the next few months.

Today's video: Of Montreal - An Eluardian Instance

ROO 09

Okay so, Lindsey and I checked out the lineup as soon as it hit midnight. Our luck it was put up immediately. They will be adding way more bands I'm sure, but here are the ones that we are the most excited about:

The Beastie Boys
Wilco
Elvis Costello
Ben Harper and Relentless 7
The Mars Volta
TV on the Radio
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Band Of Horses
MGMT
The Decemberists
Girl Talk
Bon Iver
Of Montreal
Animal Collective
Jenny Lewis
Okkervil River
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
Portugal The Man
A.A. Bondy

And more will be announced! COME ON MY MORNING JACKET, GET IN ON THIS!

In other news: classes are going great so far, I'm losing weight, spring is on its way, and as of yesterday I am 21 in six months. I can hardly believe it, but I'm very excited to finally be hitting this milestone birthday.

There is this boy I've been talking with online since last Spring and we have yet to meet in person. I'm hoping we get to in the next few weeks. He is awesome, and not to mention attractive. It's something to look forward to.

The Reader

I saw this movie tonight. I read the book a while back and I thought the movie was actually better, which never happens. So, three best picture nominees down, two more to go.