Sorry to everyone whom I have been kind of avoiding, or who are always waiting for me to call them back and I never do, or who I've cancelled plans on many times. I am not doing this to be a terrible friend. It's just some days it's hard to even go outside, let alone get out of bed. I have been becoming a recluse increasingly more lately, and I'm not doing it on purpose. I just don't have the energy, and sometimes quite frankly, I don't have the want to. Sometimes my days and nights just blur together in one long continuous sad moment. On the rare occasion I'm having a relatively OK day and you do finally see me, I try to appear happy, and I apologize if you can tell I'm being a huge buzz-kill. It's just that masking my depression has grown into such a tedious task, and sometimes I'm not even up to it. I'm not trying to be a terrible friend on purpose, but I know I've been coming off that way lately. If you can just bear with me through this seemingly endless rough patch I seem to be having, I think I can overcome it. I'm not sure when, and I sure as hell don't know how. But I'm honestly trying. Trying to fix it, trying to fix myself.

I've just had a terrible time letting a major chapter of my life go and come to a complete close. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's like when you find old pictures of people who were once significant parts of your life, but now they just seem like some distant memory. Instead of throwing them away, you put them all in a shoebox and tuck it away in a corner of the room rarely visited. Not because you hope one day these people come back into your life per se, you just keep them in case you want to remember good times you had with them. Remember those good times when you seem to be at your lowest. I don't know why I can't simply just end the chapter, close the book. I've never really been too good at it, and I obviously have no subconscious intention of doing it now. I hope someday to forget all of the things that transpired from late 2007 to now. I'm not sure how long it will take, and I completely understand that it isn't going to be easy and I will probably need help; albeit professional or from friends and family. Or maybe just inner strength. But I do realize there is room for improvement, even a need for it. Perhaps I need a change of scenery, or a new task to take on. Although I haven't quite figured out exactly what I need to do to take some positive steps in the right directions, I do know I want everyone I've been a little cold to lately to know how sincerely sorry I am for this. And if you could stick by me through it, you won't regret it and I would be eternally grateful. Besides, there's nowhere to go but up from here... Right?