Maybe things happen for a reason. Maybe they don't. I haven't been able to find comfort in anything since the split last year. Time keeps passing but I feel like it's standing still for me. I am in the same place, I've got the same sad feeling, and I still think about him every day. He has since moved on I am sure, and that really bothers me. It bothers me to think that I'm forgotten, when I have done everything but forget. I try so hard to move on, it's just not been so easy for me. I'm in a bad place. I need something to lift me up, and make me feel alive again. I've been running on a quarter tank of gas lately. I can't get excited about much.

I'm really hoping someone wonderful comes along soon. I can't spend every second of my life wishing things were different because they won't be. Maybe some things will start changing for me. But how long am I going to try to convince myself of that before it actually happens?

Who knows what the future holds for me. I want to say good things, but that may not be true. I wanted nothing more than to start a life with him and eventually get married and have a family. It hurts to think that will happen with someone who isn't me. It should have been me. I was meant for that I think.

I need some distractions, really soon. I'm hoping for this new guy to work out. If nothing else, it will help me. With what? I'm not sure. We will see.