Trying to forget last year, and him, has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to try to do. I'm not doing so well, either. I'm no good at letting this go. I'm trying not to let it affect so much of my daily life, but when you've got depression and the love of your life is no longer with you, it's hard to keep the sadness at bay. It lingers over me. Every minute of every day I'm trying to focus on something else, to push it out of my head for a while. But there it continues to stay. It's fucking difficult to get over, I won't lie. I'm not going to sit and pretend like he wasn't the best thing that had ever happened to me, because honestly he was. It's hard to stomach that he isn't here, and not only that, he is with someone else. In September it'll be a year since we broke up. I can't believe it, it feels like it was only a few short months ago, which is kind of true. The last time I saw him was February. The last time we spoke was in April I think. In my mind, it's still fresh, and I can't even begin to imagine being with someone else. Everyone else just doesn't seem good enough. I compare everyone to everything that he was, and if I keep doing that, I'll never be happy with anyone. I just wish things didn't end up this way. I'm not even sure why. I guess it was just too much all at one time. The reason we broke up in the first place was nothing huge. A tiny little offense that snowballed at the worst possible time. We just never got the chance to have a normal relationship. It's what ultimately destroyed it. Love isn't enough. I loved him more than anyone ever will, and it still wasn't enough. I am thankful for that little time I did get to spend with him, because I'll tell you, there wasn't any other time I can think of in my life when I was happier than when I was with him. It could have been a wonderful relationship that could have ultimately turned out to be something permanent. We were just never given the chance to experience it, and that's such a sad thing. Neither of us are ever going to know just how amazing it could have been. If he ever decided that he wanted to find out, I'd gladly find out with him. As long as I still love him, I don't think I could ever be with anyone else, because it would only be second best. I don't want to live the rest of my life with second best. I want all or nothing. That's it. I doubt very much that our paths will cross again in the future, as much as I hope to God they do. If they don't, they don't. There isn't anything I can do about it. I may be very lonely, but at least I can say with honesty that I never sold myself short, and I experienced a kind of love that I now know lives on probably forever. I was completely his, always, the entire time. From beginning to end. I still would be, today. And I am very proud to say that I experienced that. It was beautiful, it was life changing, and I'll never forget it. I've got nothing but good things to say about him, and I'm not bitter about it anymore. I am very sad, and I do cry about it often, but I had it. And that, to me, is better than never at all. It's better than anything. The things that I do in my years to come, I'm sure, will be wonderful and thrilling and great, but I won't ever appreciate anything like I do him and what once was. I wish to someday tell him just how much he really means to me.